The FIAT 500
may well be on your list of things to be thankful for, so why not express your auto-appreciation right at the Thanksgiving dinner table? This year, when Aunt Ida starts droning on about her book club, we’re giving you permission to play with your food. In fact, we’re telling you how to construct the road course of your dreams, right on your mother’s fine bone china.
First, you’ll need a sizeable platform. If you can commandeer a serving platter, all the better. If you can’t, fear not. A typical round plate will work just fine.
Next, apply a firm foundation. In extensive real-world testing, we found tires and bread stuffing matched quite well. OK, we didn’t do any actual real-world testing, but that’s our best educated guess.
Now that you’ve laid your terrain, you’ll need to line your route so no FIAT 500 drivers plunge through the broccoli hedge and into the cranberry-sauce pond you’ll add later (presentation is very important). We found peas to be the perfect size for this purpose. If your track is particularly curvy, even the babiest of carrots can take up too much space.
Of course, no homemade FIAT vehicle gets tested on bread stuffing alone. You’ll need to add some elevation, and no Thanksgiving food makes for a better mountain than the yam. A dollop of mashed potato also makes for a quick snowcapped peak, should a cold front move in from down-table.
The challenges need not end there! How will your ride fare over a turkey-gravy slick? Can it scale a drumstick speed bump (in the unlikely event there’s a drumstick left by the time Aunt Ida gets going)? Will it be able to dart around the marshmallow boulders tumbling down Mt. Yam? Ooh, the suspense!
But, all good road trips must come to an end, if only because the tryptophan is kicking in, and driving your FIAT 500 while fatigued is certainly not allowed. A checkered flag is nice and all, but it certainly can’t compete with pumpkin pie. So we say, add whipped cream, and celebrate your victory.
You can play with vegetables all you want, but dessert…dessert is to be taken seriously.